but it seems to have all come to a head...
there comes a point when I can't handle anymore and I retreat within myself..
that is usually when one of the alters comes forward to protect us when we can not protect ourselves..
lately I have been working with P and we have been using hypnosis to try and force the processing that I have not been able to do....
my fear of accepting the abuse as my own has kept me stuck for years..
I see the abuse through the alters .. so that I do not see nor feel it as me...
Sam for the longest time has wanted me to see her pictures and feel what she has and does..
I have not been able to do this ..
yet I have promised her over and over again that I would...
P has asked me if I was willing to try age regression as a way of forcing the processing..
I have agreed to it..
yet I had no idea how I would react...
P took me to a time I had since pushed out of my mind....
with hypnosis you are back in that place and time and reliving what you saw and felt...
I have since had a hard time with it.....
and my reaction surprised me ..
or maybe it didn't ..
but Bongo being a protecter came out to help..
and in a big way...
she went out shopping with the kids.. (the kids were aware of the switch)... and she purchased clothes that a 17 year old would wear...
I myself would not be caught dead in them..
but Bongo was in her glory..
best part she showed up for her therapy session dressed in these clothes....
P also being protective of me made sure I was covered up and protected young children from seeing her...
and protected my dignity at the same time...
here is how Bongo looked:
Together I love you....
