This is the second in a series of guest posts ......it's about real struggle..real life...real pain...and getting through to the other side....thank you to all my guests for helping me find my voice....This post is from a beautiful lady..who shares her heart through her writing and poetry...her poetry has touched me deep in my soul.....and she's here in this place to touch me again...
Please show Louise Hastings the love and encouragement you have to me.....
I want to give thanks to my very special friend for letting me guest post on her blog today. I have known Bonnie for a while now, and understand well the struggles and suffering she has been going through.
I too, have been on a journey of self discovery this last year or so, although I don't have DID, I have recently recovered from having therapy for depersonalization/DNOS, another form of dissociation disorder.
I guess I developed it through high stress and anxiety levels, and I learned how to 'go away' as a very young child.
My upbringing was traumatic and disheveled at best, with a mother suffering from bipolar disorder (manic depression), and a depressive, controlling father. When I was four, mum had a nervous breakdown –
of the hallucinating, screaming abuse, being sectioned variety. I can still smell the fear I had when she was throwing the crockery at the wall. Not long after that, I developed a burst appendix and was rushed into hospital.
I survived, got through it all, but the damage was done, I had learned how to dissociate. My parents are not monsters, but they had no idea of how to bring up a child. I can always remember just wanting to leave as soon as I could. When I reached sixteen, I got out. I look back now on that sixteen year old child I was, and wonder how on earth they could of let me go. I knew nothing of the world really, or of how to look after myself.
I suppose I survived because I had to, did what I did because I felt I had no other choice. I managed to get jobs, somewhere to live, even traveled for a while. But I lived precariously, always on the edge of catastrophe. I shudder when I look back on my narrow escapes, my occasional homelessness. But I was lucky, there was always something or someone to help me out. I truly believe God was looking out for me during those times.
going away', it was
something I did unconsciously when things got too tough for me to handle emotionally. It numbed everything, and I 'enjoyed', that spacey feeling I got in my head.
I didn't DO reality, I just disappeared into a dream world. It's not surprising that I got into scrapes, my emotions were all over the place. But through talking, medication and writing I got through those bad days.
I am very glad to know Bonnie, she was the first person I had 'met' who understood anything about this disorder. I wish her all the best in her healing, and I know that all the lovely comments she receives means a great deal to her.
Please keep going BB.
http://poeticdelusions.blogspot.com/#axzz1KyB35Qm0 <--------Check out where Louise writes...
http://poeticdelusions.wordpress.com/ <------- Her poetry ....