It's been with only P .....
and in a very guarded way have I been able to talk about....
how and why I have been triggered back to the past....
and suffering in the present....
when I was younger and abused...
Jen, Lil bits and SAM .......
were made to have sex in an abnormal way....
Bongo came around and got involved with the man that brutally raped her..he forced her into anal sex over and over again..until she became physially ill and ended up in doctors office and the hospital..living on liquids for weeks....
now at 52 I occasionally have a flare up..
I can find no pattern..
but suffer from anal fissures....
it's now the 6th day and my stomach hurts and I am vomiting....
the pain I have nothing will soothe and I can not allow myself to go to the bathroom.....
I refuse to go to a dr.....
and a hospital is out of the question...
the medicine that could help me and is expensive .....
and I will not ask my mom for that money....
and I won't explain it to her.......
maybe it will kill me who knows...
but I'm in pain and flooded with.....
memories from childhood..
I have tried sleeping so maybe it will go away...
writing this post brings me much shame....
and I doubt I will interact about this...
it just needed to be written....
I'm sorry.....
